You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
