I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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