Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
