just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
