How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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