Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
