There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize