just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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