Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
