fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You need Xanax blowdarts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
