you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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