I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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