Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
