Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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