I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Randomize
