I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
