My room smells like vodka and shame
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
