i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
