Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
