so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize