Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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