I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
