Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
