She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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