Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
