True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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