Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
