It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
