he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
