he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
