I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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