and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
