I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize