You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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