You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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