What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
