My pussy is not your playground.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Operation Purity has been aborted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
