whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
