yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
