you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize