My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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