My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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