my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
