i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize