opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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