Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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