grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
