Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
