Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
