wrigley field is MILF paradise
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
