there was a trapeze. enough said
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
