my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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