I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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