Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
