you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
