Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
