Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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