I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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