Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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