I feel great
I just peed on a car
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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