I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
