you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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