He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
