Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
