he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
